Running it out
If you object to entries about parenting and/or God, please just skip this one – it will be filled with each of those.
One of our children is having trouble in school. Actually, he is having trouble getting it together at all. This is alarming for our immediate family, because it takes time and humor away from the rest of the family. Lectures are becoming more frequent and grounding is keeping the family tied down. This is alarming to our family at large, because this seems to be a pattern with males in the family. We are talking about children with extreme intellect, extreme creativity and mechanical/relational abilities that lack any drive to put it to use. You cannot punish him, because he doesn’t care about anything. He is happy to live in his own little world in his mind. ADD? Yes, he’s got that. He takes medication and it helps some. But, it seems to hurt in the area that he needs help the most – drive. The medication makes him even more laid back and without a desire to get things done.
So, during the latest round, I laid down the law. Isn’t that what moms do best? I lectured, beseeched, threatened, punished and grounded. Today, I am left feeling defeated. Let me first make clear that all of the above was necessary and I would not be doing my job if I did not do those things. I am not having a moment of motherly guilt.
The thought that has been rolling through my mind all morning goes like this: “How would I feel if someone sat me down and enumerated every single thing I have done wrong over the past several weeks?” Then, on top of having to listen to that list, they would then hand me my punishment.
Wow! I would not like that at all. What if God looked on me as I am?
- lazy
- disobedient
- hateful
- complaining
- unappreciative
- unfocused
Instead, Jesus just marked me as a Child of God and told me what I can be. What if I sat this child down and told him that I understand what he is and what he is doing, but I also know what he can be. What if I spoke his potential onto him instead of drowning him in his failures? I think that what this child wants more than activities, tv time and toys is peace. He wants peace in his own mind. He wants peace at school. And, more than anything, he wants peace at home.
I don’t really know how to give him that, but his grandfather gave me a great idea. We were discussing his troubles and his grandfather said, “you need to take him running with you – maybe that’ll knock the edge off of him, calm him down”. What a great idea! What gives me the most peace? – running! What in the world could it hurt? Also, it would be great to have a conversation about something besides his homework, tests or the state of his room. So, the Great Experiment begins. Can you run desire to excel into a boy? I will let you know!
I’m dealing with similar issues with my 13 year old son. I like your revelation about your son wanting peace – within himself and within his environment. Thank you for the reminder that I also need to include the good things my son does – as well as give him opportunities to show me what he is capable of achieving. I look forward to reading how the Great Experiment turns out!
Swingset
February 19, 2010